2004-10-08 -
Being a mom is all about guilt. Today's guilt is courtesy of my 8-year-old daughter. Little Miss T was 6 1/2 pounds at birth -- which is a little lower than average but not considered abnormal. Today's visit to the doctor revealed her to be off the bottom end of the charts in height and weight at 46 pounds and 46 inches. To make matters worse, she has ADD and the meds cause a decreased appetite. Hence the guilt. Do I medicate my peewee so that she can focus at school and sit still long enough to learn stuff? Which is more important, her physical growth or her learning? She's in 3rd grade and already suffers from lack of confidence with regard to learning.
I can't stop myself from questioning whether I did something wrong. Did I not eat well enough during pregnancy? Was it the 1/2 a beer that I drank at 7 months? Was it because my milk didn't come in properly and they had me put her on formula at 3 days? Could it have been that my postpartum depression negatively impacted our bonding? You see how it's easy to get caught in a web of self-doubt.
Does motherhood ever stop being scary?
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